The Fear of Being Perceived

What is the fear of being perceived in terms of being an artist?

In my experience, it is a messy concoction of ego, societal expectations, and the fear of using your voice before it has been perfected (spoiler, it’s never perfect). In other words, it’s the fear of judgement, the awareness that our culture tends to perceive creating art as a waste of time, and the disillusionment at what importance a singular voice or piece of art could possibly have. What business do I have making art and writing blog posts when the world feels so heavy? I've put a lot of time into this line of thinking, and it’s probably one of the reasons that kept me from starting for so long.

My Struggle with Putting Myself Out There

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been uncomfortable with being in the spotlight. Most of the time, I can be found off to the side and mostly happy to be there. This contentment to be on the sidelines, however, doesn’t translate very well to the life of an artist. No matter how introverted I get to be during my actual practice, the time always comes when I have to put myself out there for the world to see. It is a fear of being perceived, yes, but I think it ultimately comes down to thinking what I have to say is not important enough to even try in this vast, scary, heavy world.

The thing is, if you find your why, your reason to keep coming back to it, and if you find your audience, your people, and really hone in on who you are talking to, it becomes a lot more fun to keep talking. You are helping them in their especially specific ways, and you, in turn, feel more understood in your creative practice.

My Tips for Young Artists

As I was writing this blog post, I floundered around for a bit. These are big existential questions that I am still grappling with, and probably always will be. I started out by jotting down a list of truths I have learned, and I wanted to share them here in the hopes that they will be helpful to someone else:

1. Find your why as an artist. I shared a bit about my own journey last week. Having a go-to source of inspiration and motivation to keep going is helpful when imposter syndrome starts to creep in.
2. As mentioned above, find your target audience. Work to identify and solve their specific problems with your art, your knowledge, your stories. I know, the business jargon scared me off for a while too.
3. Know that The Cringe is real and a big part of putting yourself out there. Being an artist and using your voice is putting yourself out there in a way that tests social norms. The Cringe is the reason you get to call yourself an artist.
4. On that same note, don’t be afraid to make shitty art. Shitty art is the best art, because it’s during these times that you let your boundaries down, make mistakes, learn from them, and let your inner child out to play. If you don’t have a pile of shitty art, you’re not putting in the work.
5. It took me a long time to realize I was unhappy with my previous path, and even longer to realize that no one was going to come along and change my life for me. I had to do that for myself.

So, to sum up, what is the fear of perception? For me, it is essentially the question of what business do I have making art and writing blog posts when the world feels so heavy and more important than what I have to say? With the help of seeking out and listening to other creatively intelligent people, I have come to the conclusion that all the negative energy being pushed out into the world needs counterweight. Even the littlest voice—my voice or yours—pushing back with beauty or thoughtfulness or creativity is an act of vulnerability and rebellion that the world could use more of. So, when you post that shitty art that doesn’t get any likes, or when you feel like a fraud and don’t know what to call yourself when people ask, know that any creative endeavor is worthy, and putting yourself and your art out for the world to see is a crucial and invaluable part of your journey in finding your voice as an artist.

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Editor's Note: As I was building the email newsletter for this blog post this morning, I was choosing the photos to include. For some reason, I was drawn to the paintings and drawings I had done 3 to 5 years ago, just off of instinct. Several steps later, there I was staring at the email template, and within it, there is a section called "Shop the Story". I thought, dang, I wish I could actually link to these drawings and paintings that I am showing photos of. One thing led to another, and I ended up getting my old sketchbooks out. I tore out and signed all of the paintings and drawings that I deemed worthy enough, photographed, and uploaded them. Uploading these old creations was a happy accident, and happened very organically because I set myself the task of writing on the topic of the fear of perception. I uploaded them in honor of celebrating my past work—the work I did nothing with at the time because I didn't think it was good or important enough. Isn't that kind of beautifully poetic? These creations are now getting to see the light of day because of a happy, serendipitous series of events.